This is one of the most common themes that come up in my sessions. Clients feel guilty that they are being selfish. Have you ever felt like you can’t win either way? Either you do something for somebody and are resentful for having to do it, or you say no and feel guilty. So how do you stop feeling guilty? Take a look at the three steps below.
1) Notice how you feel
When somebody asks you to do something, check in with yourself and see how you really feel about doing what they’re asking. If you feel it’s something that makes you uncomfortable, gives you anxiety or adds any stress to you, you aren’t being selfish by saying no. You’re being self-caring.
2) Check in with yourself
Ask yourself if what you’re going to do crosses one of your boundaries. Am I doing this to look good to others even if it comes at the expense of my feelings and myself?
3) Understanding self care
Self care is taking care of your own feelings, needs, wants and desires. When we constantly put others first, we put ourselves second and find unhealthy ways to get our needs met. These needs can come out in anxiety, food issues, drinking, drugs and any other way we self-medicate.
Chances are you are not being selfish, but in order to get rid of the guilt you will need to start changing the way you look at the situation. Once again, it is important to be gentle on yourself.
I hope you have a stress-free day!